Time of transformation

This has been a real introspective couple of weeks for me. My daughter turned one, I completed a spiritual initiation, I had a dark night of the soul experience, I strengthened my connection with the ancestors, got back on my physical healing journey and recommitted myself to self-development.

My dear daughter turned one on the 3rd and I am so proud of her. She has reached all of her current developmental milestones and is now as busy as a bee! Time has flown so quickly. Its as if she were born 3 months ago. We have stayed committed to not vaccinating her, she is eating a whole food based vegan live-et, she is also becoming more discriminating and moody. She would be very social before but now its when she feels like it. She is understanding what many words mean now, especially no as well as other gestures and sounds.

For me, things have gotten way better as far as balancing everything. I don’t have a foolproof routine down because circumstances are always changing, but I change with it. Some words were said to me recently that I really reflected on.

It was said to the effect that I don’t think clearly as I should (in other words) and for some reason it made me reflect on how many stupid decisions I have made in my life. I was crying non stop all night for hours….I reflected and realized that I was actually a stupid person. Noone wants to think of themselves as stupid. We say I could have done better or will do better, but it’s another thing to say I have been stupid the majority of my life. I have lived in lalaland. I have been in the clouds and too idealistic rather than realistic and that has held me back.

I have since resolved myself to work harder at everything that I do, just to make average gains. Just to reach where everyone (the admirable ones) are at basically (career-wise, socially, familially, financially) I have to push myself harder. I can’t get into my mode of comfort and become lackadaisical. I have to make myself successful, if only in my own eyes.

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